Sometimes It's Real
by Ffeona 'sarcasm-is-my-drug
Summary: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam. AU - John kept the supernatural a secret from Sam and Dean forcing them to raise themselves with no explanation. When John goes missing Dean has to convince Sam to help him and teach him about the Supernatural; Other characters involve
1. Prologue Innocence

Supernatural

Supernatural

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica, Jo H, Ellen H, John W, Bobby, Missouri…

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past?), Dean/John(implied-past)

Spoilers?: Pilot

Warnings: incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing (moments taken from the pilot).

AN/ this first chapter is harmless – even someone who cannot stand slash could read this chapter. It's all background info on what it would be like growing up if John had never told them he was a hunter.

Prologue - 1/?

1 – Jessica

When Jess had met Sam he'd been nineteen and so full of life and possibilities. He was the only person she had ever seen adapt that quickly to college life. It didn't seem to bother him at all, living in a different place, not having any friends here, having to work his butt off at school – luckily he had gotten a full ride, a scholarship to Stanford that meant he didn't have to work if he didn't want to but even then he picked up a few jobs around the place to bring in extra cash. Of course as Jessica got to know him she soon saw the… she didn't know how to describe it. The emotion that lingered inn his beautiful brown eyes was something in-between anger, sorrow, regret, guilt, and mourning. He missed his brother, she as sure of it, even if he never talked about it except to say that he had a brother called Dean, Jess still realised that it pained him to be away from his family, from his big brother. Sometimes she was jealous in a rather petty and disturbing way because she often thought that Sam would never feel the depth of emotions for his brother for any one else; aka her. But then she remembered that Dean and Sam hadn't spoken in two years and her empathy got the better of her.

2 – Sammy/Sam

People tended to get Sam wrong. Whether it was Ellen misinterpreting his anger at his dad, or Missouri misunderstanding why he had gone to Stanford. Dean – his forever protector and best friend – had always understood without Sam needing to speak. Like when Dean could tell the difference between a moment when he could tease Sam about his sensitivities and chant 'no chick flick moments, bitch' at him and Sam would happily reply 'jerk', and a moment when Sam was crying because he was just so hurt and scared and frustrated – a moment that calling him a bitch would likely get him punched or something.

It was one of the reasons why Sam missed Dean so much. That and the fact that Dean had been the only constant in his life for all of his twenty-two years, the one person he could reply on not to abandon him like dad had, hell even Bobby Singer and Caleb had been known to ditch them at a moments notice, no explanation required.

Sam hadn't just left to study and go to school properly. Yes, that had been a part of it but he had also left because it hadn't been healthy the way Sam was the only person in Dean's life. Hell, Dean had been twenty-four when Sam had left and still no serious girlfriend or anything, not even sixteen year old Jo making eyes at him had swayed him. Which had probably been a good thing since Sam knew for a fact that Ellen had a shot gun behind the bar, locked and loaded.

Sam hadn't told Dean this when he had left – he had just expected Dean to know like he always knew because he knew Sammy. Maybe that was what had hurt the most, the fact that Dean hadn't understood, hadn't known.

3 – Ellen

Ellen never really understood why John Winchester never came clean about how Mary had really died and what he really spent his time travelling over America doing to those boys. And she told him so in plane, loud and clear English every time he visited the Roadhouse; which was probably why John only ever visited to drop the boys of for a few weeks during a hunt or to pick Ash's brains on a problem he was having with a hunt; which Ash always said that was down right stupid because there wasn't nothin' he could tell John Winchester about the Supernatural and about Hunting and Killing the Supernatural that the man didn't already know. Of course, it wasn't always that way, John had been a chicken (a beginner) once too. It was just that his natural affinity for the Hunt was down right unsettling. Ellen would say it was scary if she didn't know that what he was using that unsettling skill of his to do was fighting even more unsettling and damn terrifying things – keeping his boys and Ellen's daughter Joanna Beth safe from the monsters under their bed.

Ellen had understood at first, after all Dean had only been four and Sammy just about six months old. By not telling them straight away he'd been protecting the kids – just like any good father would, like William and Ellen had done with Jo, waiting until she was older so she could fully understand what they were telling her and how this would affect her life. Of course, by the time she was old enough to tell William had gone and gotten himself killed which had made it that much tougher to tell Jo, but that hadn't stopped Ellen from doing so. But no matter what Ellen, Ash, Caleb, Missouri, Bobby, Jo, and any other hunter or mystic had to say to him John insisted on lying to the boys even when they were past believing the lies and had to make up their own truths. In some respects it was harder on Dean because he remembered a time when John had been his daddy and when he had had a mother. But then again he had a mission in life too, protect Sammy from the truth about dad. Protect him from the fact that their dad would rather be off 'finding work' or 'visiting old friends' during Sammy's tenth birthday than be with Dean, Sam, and Missouri in Kansas. Protect Sammy from the knowledge that their father couldn't make it to Sammy's play recital or to parent's evening or Christmas or graduation. Soon Sam had thought of his own reasons that John couldn't make it – that his dad was a drunk, a coward, and a loser. It was no wonder Sam had left for college without seeking his father's approval because really it was more of a case of 'what father'.

The only thing Ellen hadn't understood was why Sam had left without seeking Dean's approval.

4 – Dean

Life had not been a picnic, that was for damn sure. He barely remembered his mother's face or the scent of her perfume or the feel of her lips on his cheek kissing him goodnight. What he did remember with perfect clarity was the fire the night she died; the heat of the blaze, the fear when he couldn't find his mother, the sense of responsibility when his dad had put Sammy into his arms, telling him to take his brother outside, to protect Sammy. That night was the last time Dean would get a hug from his father except for the 'goodbye' types or the 'sorry I missed your birthday but I can't explain why' types.

As a child he had made up fanciful stories to tell to Sammy about their dad. Things like that he was in the CIA and went on undercover operations to save the world or that their dad was a superhero living a double life. Sammy had been five when these tales had stopped comforting him even in the slightest. By time he was ten Sammy was telling people that they didn't really have a dad, but they were looked after by close family friends. It had hurt Dean to hear Sammy speak so lowly of the man that Dean remembered had used to be a super hero to him as a small boy of three and four. But then Dean would remember their dad's latest excuse for missing birthdays and Christmas and he would try and distract Sammy by saying that they had to think of a prank to play on Jo (Ellen's daughter who was a few years younger than Sam) or watch a movie.

Dean knew he could handle whatever life threw at him as long as he had had Sammy with him. But Sam had left – he had out grown Dean, become a man and an independent man who wanted things very different from what Dean had wanted. Because in simple terms; while Sam had wanted normality – marriage, college, a proper job -, Dean had just wanted Sammy.

TBC…

The next chapters will be very different and the warnings will start to apply. PLEASE comment – I really would like some comments. Thanks for reading and sorry if my punctuation and grammar and spelling is messed up – my time is not my own so I tend to rush these things before inspiration runs out.


	2. Innocence Things that Go Bump in

Supernatural 2/

Supernatural 2/?

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica M, Jo H, Ellen H

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past-future), Dean/John(implied-past)

Rating: PG13

Spoilers?: Pilot

Warnings: angst. allusions to incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing.

Chapter One – Things That Go Bump In The Night

Friday November 1st 2005, 4am

Sam had been sleeping peacefully until the sound of his girlfriend Jessica Moore whispering his name in the still night. "Sam – Sam! Sam, wake up I think I heard something."

"I'm up." Sam whispered back and listened to the silence within the flat that he shared with Jess. A moment later his ears picked up a sound coming from their living room. He reached for the baseball bat he kept under the bed in case of a robbery and crept out of bed. Having lived in the small apartment which was conveniently located close to his Stanford campus for over two years now Sam was lucky enough the know where the floor boards creaked and where they didn't so he made no sound as he made his way to the living area; which was where he saw a silhouette of a man; roughly six foot one, standing over his television set. Sam sneaked up behind the intruder and raised the bat over his head only to have the other man turn around like a whip and knock his legs from underneath him and pin him to the ground. It reminded him of when he had insisted on wresting with Dean when he had been nine and Dean, then thirteen, had had a few inches on him and a few pounds and had beat him with ease. Eerily the man chuckled.

"That was so easy I'm embarrassed for you!" the familiar voice of his brother taunted him.

"Dean?" Sam said and used his weight to throw the smaller man off of him. "What the Hell are you doing here?" Sam stood up and leaned against a near by wall determined not to let his older brother see how much that had hurt his back while Dean practically jumped off of the floor with surprising grace and balance. They could see each other clearly now, their eyes had adjusted to the dark and the moon was almost full which helped.

"Funny you should say that. Dad's missing." Dean said seriously.

"As opposed to all those times that he's been around and we knew where he was?" Sam asked sarcastically.

Dean looked almost sheepish – well, as sheepish as he it was possible for Dean to look. "Just listen, ok?" He said, sounding defensive. Sam crossed his arms across his chest and tried really hard not to roll his eyes. "After I we arg- when I saw you at Ellen's a couple of years back for Christmas, I over heard some guys at the Roadhouse talking. About dad. You know what they were saying, same old same old about obsessed John Winchester and how he did a complete 180 after his wife died in the fire, abandoned his kids blah-blah-blah… but they were saying other stuff too. Stuff like dad used to say when he was drunk, about things we never believed were possible; things that go bump in the night, Sam."

"The only things that go bump in the night, Dean, are drunks and my brother breaking into my home." Sam said, remembering the stories about angry spirits and werewolves and demons as well as his brother did. But that was all they had been, crazy stories out of their drunk absentee father's mouth.

"The door was open." Dean defended himself.

"No it wasn't, Dean!" Sam denied.

In the darkness Sam could see a smirk settle on Dean's face. "Well, it is now."

Sam sighed. "You were telling me about how you overheard a bunch of drunk men talking about Dad's crazy stories." He reminded his brother noticing the frown that graced his brother's features as he nodded.

"Yeah but Sammy, they weren't drunk. They were serious. And Jo mentioned that I was his son and they got talking to me. I listened to them and afterwards I decided to call Dad up. Told him I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. He told me to ask Ash for some stuff he had left there last time he was at Ellen's and then gave me some co-ordinates to meet him at. We ended up in Texas and we've been together ever since."

Sam's jaw was tight and he was shaking his head but he saw still listening. Why he really didn't know. Dean had always wanted their dad to just be their dad again, like before their mom died. It was probably why Dean had let their dad get away with all the crap he had pulled over the years. Sam had never known John-Winchester-Daddy-and-Husband. His first memories were of living with Dean and Pastor Jim in Blue Earth, Minnesota when he'd been about three or four. "If you've been with dad ever since then how come he's 'missing' now?"

"We spilt up. I took a… hunt down up in Canada and he went to Jericho and I haven't heard from him since."

"Dean – since when do you hunt? And I guess I shouldn't even be surprised that Dad was in California and didn't even tell me."

"No way, dude. No way are you pinning that on dad. Yeah, I agree he has been a pretty lousy dad in the past but you are the one who made it pretty clear that you didn't want anything to do with either of us now that you have the prefect life. Malibu Barbie girlfriend, perfect L-Sat score. No loser brother hanging over your shoulder, weighing you down, right? Look, I haven't asked you for anything in two years. I kept my distance when you made it clear that you didn't want me in your life anymore and now it's time for you to pay me back. Because I am telling you that dad is missing and he needs us."

"You've been spying on me?" Sam asked, not sure whether to feel like his privacy had been violated or if he should feel safer knowing that Dean had still cared enough to check up on him.

"No. I asked Ash occasionally how you were doing. You know Ash, he's simply a font of information." Dean said.

"Ash?" Sam said incredulously. Ellen's Ash? The Ash who referred to MIT as 'a school in Boston' Ash?

"Sam?" Jessica's voice came from the door way. She sounded confused and a little worried but very wide awake, and knowing how long it took Jess to wake up normally that meant that Sam had been down stairs for quite a while. "What's going on? Who's Ash? Are you Ash?" She asked Dean who eyed her warily. He knew who Jess was, Sam had taken great pains at that Christmas to tell him who Jess was and exactly what she meant to Sam. She was just as hot as he had pictured, which didn't really make him feel any better.

"No, I'm not Ash. In fact, no one in this room is Ash because at least ASH has some sense of family loyalty!" Dean said angrily at Sam. He was more angry that Jess was hear, in his face, rubbing his nose in what Dean didn't have anymore, than at Sam. Which was stupid because he had known that she was with Sam still, that her name was on the lease as well as Sammy's and that two weeks ago Sam had used a credit card to buy an engagement ring, although looking at her fingers Dean saw that she wasn't wearing it so he assumed that Sam hadn't popped the question yet. Dean wished that Sam's delay was a sign of Sam having cold feet but he knew it was more likely that Sam was waiting for the perfect moment; violins playing and candle-lit music and all that bull. Personally Dean thought that a truer sigh that someone loved you would be saying yes to a proposal in a cheep and tacky diner because wasn't that closer to real life, after all?

"Family loyalty?" Sam gasped back at his brother, wondering why he was being verbally attacked all of a sudden. "How the Hell can I have family loyalty to a man who practically abandoned me?"

"You're right, Sammy. You don't owe dad anything. But what about me, huh? I pretty much raised you from the word go and you fucking cut me out of your life with out a second thought? Without even a reason?" Dean shoved at his large baby brother.

"I gave you a reason!" Sam yelled back, getting defensive himself especially now that Jess was in the room looking nervously between the two brothers.

"Oh yeah? Trust me, 'I think it's for the best if we don't see each other again' is not a reason, Sam! It's bull. But I did what you wanted so now you owe me and I'm collecting!" He said angrily.

"Fine!" Sam bit back.

"Fine!" Dean replied.

Sam and Dean panted heavily as if they had just ran a marathon. Dean recovered first and walked away from his brother, sitting on the sofa which was more comfortable than any of the beds he'd slept in over the past two years. The light was now on and Dean could see clearly how much and how little Sam had changed during the last two years. He could also see that Jessica was wearing a smurf tee and it did nothing to hide her ample cleavage. He stared at it rudely hoping she would feel uncomfortable enough to leave. Unfortunately she was so busy looking between Sam and Dean still waiting on that explanation that she didn't notice so Dean decided to be a bit more obvious. "Love the smurfs." Dean said brightly and Jessica looked at him confused before blushing.

"I should go change." Jess said awkwardly, looking to Sam for conformation. When he said nothing Dean decided to push his luck.

"No, I wouldn't dream of it. Really." He leered. She placed a hang chastely on her cleavage and fled the room, finally leaving Dean and Sam alone again.

"How long had dad been missing?" Sam asked eventually.

"Two weeks, tops." Dean replied. "I haven't heard anything from him in at least a week but just because he called doesn't mean he was where I thought he was."

"He's probably just found some hole to crawl into and is spending a long weekend with Jack, Jim, and Jose." Sam told Dean cynically.

Dean shook his head. "Nah I'm telling you, man, something's up. You just don't know him like I do."

"Yeah – that's because I never got the chance." Sam said.

"It's a two way street, dude." Dean pointed out.

Sam quirked an eye brow at his brother. "Not when you are eight years old listening to your dad bullshit you about why he will be missing your birthday – for the third year in a row."

"Look, are you going to help me or not?" Dean asked, recognising that they weren't going to get anywhere debating their father's good points and his bad points. After all, Sam didn't know the real reason why their dad had been absent most of their lives and Dean couldn't yet enlighten him no matter how much it might change Sam's opinion about dad. Because hey, at least the man hadn't dragged them around North America with him on every hunt; exposing them to the dangers of the supernatural and teaching them to defend themselves like warriors, like soldiers. Now that would have been a tough up bringing.

"Fine, sure, I'll help you. I just have to talk to Jessica first, tell her something convincing and then I'll pack a bag."

Sam disappeared to the bedroom. While Dean waited the cruised the room, picking up a photograph of their parents that had once rested on his mother's bedside table, and one of Sam and Dean at Sammy's high school graduation. One of the other people's parents had held the camera for them. The last picture he picked up was the one which Sam looked happiest in, most content. In this picture Sam had a beer in his hands and an arm around Jessica with some guy who looked about their age holding two fingers above Sam's head like bunny ears or aliens antennae. It really hurt that Jessica made Sam so happy and Dean had obviously failed to do so, and even though Dean should feel glad that Sam was happy – a good brother would – he actually resented Jess a little, but not as much as he blamed himself.

"No. I'm coming with you, Sam!" Jessica's voice interrupted Dean's thoughts. Five minutes later Jessica and Dean came out of the bedroom each holding a duffle bag each, Jessica's lips looked like they had just been ravished and Sam's hair was ruffled as it someone's hands had been ran through it.

"You have got to be kidding me." Dean said.

--X-X-X--

PLEASE, please review. I have had only one comment so far (from a lovely reader on LJ – you know who you are!) and I'd really like some more.


	3. Innocence Road Trip Down Memory Lane

Supernatural 2/

Supernatural 3/?

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica M, Jo H, Ellen H

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past-future), Dean/John(implied-past)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: angst. allusions to incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing.

Chapter Two – Road Trip Down Memory Lane

Monday; November 3rd, 6am

Dean thinks while Jess and Sam sleep, wrapped up in each other in the back seat. Dean doesn't dare say anything, like making Sam come up to the front seat or telling them to wear their seat belts because then he would give away too much of himself.

Secretly it's killing him.

Of course, it's worse when they are awake, talking about everything from people they know that Dean doesn't to classes they take and the wedding. Yes – that's right; their wedding. Sam and Jess. Married. As it turns out Sam had already proposed, however the ring had been too big and they had had to get it resized so it was currently at a jewellers in California. They are driving to Nebraska.

Jericho was a bust. No dad. But while Sam had a long hard talk with Jess about how crazy their old man was Dean was able to get a hold of his dad's journal and put to rest Creepy Constance, a Woman in White according to the walls in their dad's motel room. Yeah, the salt and cat's eye shells and news paper clippings hadn't really helped convince Sam that underneath the absentee exterior of their dad lay a good guy who actually loved his kids, much to Dean's surprise. After all, Dean had had plenty of proof over the years that John didn't love him, and now on his way to Ellen's Roadhouse he couldn't escape the memories…

January 1997

Dean had just turned eighteen years old – a man, or so he had automatically assumed. He and Sam had been living a nice woman in her early thirties called Daisy Lee while her brother Ronald and John had gone hunting. Dean knew they were lying about what they were really doing after all who goes hunting and comes back bare handed every time? This time his dad had stayed gone for almost two years before showing up just in time for a special Winchester Christmas, like they hadn't had since '88 and back then Sammy had just been a kid. After Christmas, which they had spent at a cheep motel with their Dad absent for all except Christmas Eve night and the next morning and of course the car ride, John dropped them off at the Harvelles' and met up with Bill and had spent the next two weeks talking in dark corners with Bill and Ash and occasionally Ellen.

Christmas hadn't been a complete waste of time. John's gift to Sammy had been a bunch of posh encyclopaedias, a new video game, and some fancy pens. All Dean's ideas and he was pretty sure John hadn't paid for it with money that he actually earned but it had made Sammy smile and that was what mattered to Dean. For some reason Sam hated missing school and every time he changed schools – which was often – he would lose out on some aspect of his education. This way he could do extra reading and it would help him when they couldn't get to the Library. Dean's gift from his dad had been, in his own opinion, infinitely better and a real surprise too. At the motel room his dad had handed Dean a hundred dollars and told him to buy whatever he wanted with it. That had been ok, no actual thought put into it but then Dean doubted their dad had had the foresight to ask Sammy what Dean wanted for Christmas because in John's eyes Sammy was still a baby. But when they had arrived at the Roadhouse John had turned round to his eldest son and told him very solemnly that the moment they stepped out of the car – the sleek, black, 1967 Chevy Impala – it was Dean's for keeps.

Best gift ever.

Of course, two weeks later Dean didn't have the luxury of looking back on that memory with fondness.

He had been noticing for the last few days that his dad had been acting a bit weird. Ignoring Sammy completely, staring for long periods of time at Jo who had just turned twelve, having a few memory black outs. Dean hadn't had a clue what it had been about at the time of the incident although later on in life he could only hope that his dad had been under the influence of some kind of demon or incubus or something.

That night there had been a soft tapping at Dean's door. He had opened it and upon seeing his dad he had stepped out of the room wearing only a towel around his waist. While he had been showering Sammy had fallen asleep and he had no intention of waking him up now.

Of course he hadn't had any idea how much of a mistake he had made. John had told Dean that he needed to talk to him. Tomorrow he was leaving on a hunting trip with Bill and he needed to tell Dean something before he left. Dean had followed his father trustingly into his bedroom.

The next thing Dean remembered was pain. Impossibly shape nails raking down his back as his father fucked him from behind. Dean had let the tears run down his face as he had chanted to himself under his breath like a little child trying to make something true just by thinking it; "you aren't my father, you're not dad, your aren't dad, you're not my father". He would have pleaded to God but the act itself was enough to make Dean believe that God did not exist. His mother had always told him that there were Angels watching over him. All Dean had to say in response to that now what that they must be deeply sadistic angels.

John – not his dad, John – had finally fallen asleep. Worn himself out. Dean had crept out of the room, using his discarded towel to hide his bleeding bottom. Unfortunately Jo had seen him trying to get back into his room. Dean had frozen. The light had been switched on because even at twelve Jo was still afraid of the things in the dark (things that Dean would later find out were real) leaving Dean completely exposed to Jo's young naïve eyes. She could see the tear tracks down his face, the black eye his father had given him when Dean had first tried to resist, the finger marks on his hips that were a vicious shade of red that would soon turn purple, the nail marks on his back, the hickeys on his neck that, in one case, had been hard enough to break the skin, the angry red mark around his throat from when John – John not dad John – had put him in a headlock in order to enforce submission… the countless other bruises and scratches that Dean hoped Jo never realised what meant.

He could have given her the cold shoulder and went back to his room – it had only been two feet away. But that would have meant being in the same room as Sammy and risking Sam seeing him like this. He could have threatened to tell Ellen that Jo was out of bed past ten but seeing the look upon her face – her innocent face looking so sad for him – Dean could do nothing but hunch down on the floor and numbly let Jo cuddle into him.

Dean had already been fully dressed by the time the hunters left so no one else could catch a glance at his shattered and bruised body. That had been the day that Bill had died. His dad never returned and when Dean could no longer face the recriminations in Ellen's eyes he took Sammy and left in the Impala, driving to South Dakota and begging Bobby Singer to let him work on the salvage yard while Sam went to school.

That had been the last time Dean had seen his dad until after Sammy had left, left him just like his dad had and just like Mary had in some respects.

Monday; November 3rd, 10am

"Are we there yet?" Sammy's sleep muffled voice interrupted Dean's thoughts and he smiled. Sammy was always saving him without even realising it.

"Not yet, Sammy. Go back to sleep." Dean told his brother and Sam muttered a sigh of agreement before settling back and falling asleep again.

X0X0X

AN/ Ok; I know it may seem like I'm just being mean but there is a plot point that uses the whole John/Dean incident, ok? You just gotta trust me. Thanks for reading and thanks to everybody who commented on the last chapter, it really made my day!


	4. Innocence Coming Home To Strangers

Supernatural 4/

Supernatural 4/?

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica M, Jo H, Ellen H

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past-future), Dean/John(implied-past)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: angst. allusions to incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing.

Chapter Two – Coming Home to Strangers

Monday 3rd November 5pm

When Dean arrived he was exhausted from driving all day and all night but nothing could keep a small smile from finding its way to his face. Ellen's Roadhouse was a sight for sore eyes an no-one had sorer eyes than hunters after a long, hard Hunt. Dean could honestly say that the only home he had ever really had since his mother's death had been Sammy but this – and others like it e.g. Bobby's scrap yard and Pastor Jim's church and Missouri's Kansas house – were the next best things.

Sammy and Jess were far better rested although Dean could see Jessica obviously wasn't used to driving for long periods of time from the way she winced when she moved and the look of upset that crossed her face when she looked down at the wricked clothes. A smile lit up Sam's face and Dean looked at what was making him smile, unable to see jealous as Jo Harvelle came bounding out of the house, all blonde hair and black clothes. It was her latest kick – once it would have been enough teenage rebellion for her to simply flirt with Dean and play with her daddy's knives, but now she had to dress like a Hunter and talk like a Hunter because she wanted to be a Hunter. After all, if Dean could do it – after having known about demons for less than two years – why couldn't she, after having known about demons since she was fourteen and her momma sat her down and explained it all. Ellen's only response to that was that Dean wasn't her daughter. A response that clearly wasn't doing anything to alter Jo's opinions.

"Sam Winchester!" Jo cried out and threw herself into Sam's waiting arms. Laughing Sam spun around lifting the petite pretty blonde off the ground as he did so. Dean observed a flash of insecurity on Jessica's face with a little bit of glee.

"It's been too long." Jo told Sam as he set her down. She punched his arm lightly in a gesture of friendship and familiarity.

"Well I've been busy." Sam said lamely, still smiling at Jo.

"I missed you." Jo complained.

Sam nodded his head and Dean felt the need to break up this suddenly oppressive atmosphere.

"Joanna Beth!" He sound loudly, breaking the tension and drawing attention to himself. Jo rolled her eyes at his use of her full name, something only her mother called her and only when she was in trouble. "I know there is one of those in there for me." He said, holding his arms open and gesturing for her to give him a hug.

She gave him a long unimpressed stare and folded her arms across her chest. "I saw you last month. It's not like I missed you or anything." She told him boldly.

Dean placed a hand to his heart. "Ouch – you got me right here." He said, mockingly. "Come one, everybody knows that a month without me is like ten years without Sammy!" He said lightly and winked at Jo who finally allowed a smile to grace her pretty face. She came forward and gave Dean a warm hug, no where near as enthusiastic as the one she gave Sam but Dean knew that it had been out of genuine love and because she had missed Sam so much. He also knew that Jo cared for him just as much as she cared for Sammy.

"Hey!" Ellen's rasping voice broke them apart. Dean looked up to see the owner of Harvelle's Roadhouse with a shotgun and a frown. He smiled – he truly was 'home'. "I wouldn't get too frisky there, Dean, never know when my trigger finger is gonna get bored." She half joked, putting the gun down in order to greet her guests.

"Ellen, it's good to see you." Dean said warmly.

She eyed him suspiciously. "You were here a month ago," she pointed out, but not without affection. The she turned to his brother. "Well, well, if it isn't Sam Winchester. Welcome back, Sam." She said.

Ellen wasn't an overly affectionate or warm woman, the sheer fact that she had said 'welcome' to Sam meant she was glad to have him back and Sammy's memory wasn't so bad that he didn't realise that so he bobbed his head in a very Sam-like gesture and smiled at her sweetly. "Good to be back," he agreed.

"And you must be Jessica Moore, Sam's gal." Ellen said, holding out a hand towards Jess who looked apprehensive but still took it. Ellen's grip can't have softened because immediately Jess's face contorted in a brief flash of pain, and the the hand shake was over.

"I'm Ellen Harvelle. And this is my place. You're all welcome to take rooms for the night of course. I assume you will be staying the night?" Ellen asked, picking up her shotgun on the way inside as the others followed them, Sam carrying both his own and Jess's bags as she nursed her hand.

"Maybe longer." Dean said cryptically. Ellen gave him a sharp look but nodded all the same.

"Three rooms?" Ellen said looking straight at Jess who looked a bit flustered at the assumption that she wouldn't be sharing with Sam. Ellen sounded stern and Jessica didn't know the woman well enough to know if she was joking or not yet so she just turned to Sam who took it upon himself to correct Ellen, who after all had only been teasing.

"Just two. Jess and I will be sharing, thanks Ellen." Sam said as if it was no big deal – which it wasn't. Ash had already told Ellen that Sam and Jessica lived together and Ellen hadn't been born yesterday, she knew what that meant and while she wasn't sure how see felt about the blonde at Sam's side she realised he was over eighteen and that she wasn't his mother.

"Sure. You take yours and Dean's old room." She said handing him a key. "And you can have your father's old room, Dean, if that's okay with you."

Caught off guard Dean froze. His mouth opened and snapped shut a few times and his skin, already pale from the strain of the hunt and the need of a good meal and a good nights sleep paled even further. Everyone noticed but Dean could hardly say 'no thanks, Ellen, that's' the room my dad raped me in, can I have another'. Well that and the fact that it had paper thin walls and was right next to Sam and Jess's room which meant he would be able hear everything they did. But apparently it was his lucky day because Jo came to his rescue.

"No, he can't mom. Don't you remember? It's one of the rooms with the bug problem. Al was going to look over them tomorrow morning so it won't be ready in time. Give him room ten, instead." She said. Room ten was at least two doors away from his dad's old room and three from Jess and Sam's which was perfect. Dean thanked whoever was listening that he had run into Jo that night, otherwise he would have had to go back into that room which was something he fully intended on avoiding doing until the day he died.

"I thought that was just Phil Mackey's room?" Ellen mused out loud but Jo shook her head and handed Dean the key for room ten. Dean sent her a grateful look and then the moment was over.

"Um, Ellen aren't you forgetting something?" Dean said as Ellen moved away to serve a hunter at the bar.

She pretended to give it some thought and then shook her head. "Nope."

"My hundred?" Dean reminded her, pointedly looking at his brother.

Ellen smiled. "We didn't shake on it."

Dean glared. Not at Ellen exactly, because she was scary sometimes, but in her general direction. "We were on the phone." He pointed out Her smile widened as she poured the man a whiskey on the rocks.

"That'll teach you to make bets on the phone, Dean." She told him.

"You made a bet with Ellen that you could convince me to help you?" Sam figured it out. He sounded half amused and half annoyed with a tinge of disbelief running though his words.

"For a hundred dollars!" Dean said, as it the amount meant he should be forgiven his insensitivity and crudeness. "Which apparently I won't be seeing any of now." He moaned at his loss.

Ellen gave him a stern look. "You're getting a roof over your head and some food in your belly that's what you're getting. So don't go sounding ungrateful or I'll make you pay like all the others." Dean grinned at her.

"You know we love you, Ellen." He said charmingly. Ellen didn't look impressed.

"You're letting us stay for free? No, Ellen, that's not right. You should let me pay." Sam said, doing the honourable and stupid thing because Dean knew that he didn't have much money – and reaching for his wallet.

Ellen placed a hand on his arm to stop him. "It's not like I'm losing any business because of it. Only people who come out this way looking for a place to stay are Hunters anyways." Hunters. Jo and Dean tensed up when she said that, worried Sam might think it was odd, but he just put his wallet away and gave Ellen a kind smile and said thank you. After that they made their way up to their rooms with Ellen yelling that dinner was at seven and not a minute after.

Sam smiled to think about the memories that Ellen's brought back, of being young and playing with Dean and Jo, the pranks they had used to play and the feeling of having people around him who cared about him.

Once Sam and Jess had reached their rooms Jess turned to Sam, looking a little scared and said, "we don't have to stay here!"

Sam frowned. "What do you mean, Jess?" He asked, thinking that perhaps she wanted to go home or something.

"I mean there are other places Sam. I saw a motel about forty miles back. We could get there before it gets too late." She said, pleading in her voice.

Sam was confused and a little upset at Jessica's attitude. "Why would you want to leave? Ellen's letting us stay for free. Besides, it's Ellen." He said as if that was the deciding fact.

"Sam; she greeted us with a shotgun!" Jess said, sounding desperate.

Sam just smiled. "She wouldn't be Ellen if she hadn't."

Jess changed tactic. "Alright, then what about Jo?" She asked and at his blank look she continued, "you were all over her, Sam." She sounded hurt but Sam just laughed it off.

"Jo? Me and Jo? No, no way. I mean, I took her to prom but us as a couple? Never gonna happen. For one there is Ellen. Number two is the fact that she has only has eyes for Dean. Not that he'd ever notice, he thinks of her as little sister." Sam noted the irony of that statement. Dean may think of Jo as a little sister but back a few years ago he certainly hadn't been thinking of Sam as a little brother. "And three; Ellen."

Jess sighed heavily, her arms winding themselves around Sam as she leaned into him, keeping eye contact. "So you are set on staying here? With these people? In these beds?" She gestured to the twin queens that had a table with a lamp in-between them.

"These people are the closest thing me and Dean had to a family growing up. I never really understood it, why they were willing to take in strangers but they did and Ellen and Bill were really good to me and Dean, feeding us, sending us to school, treating us like Jo. And this room was where I used to stay so it has sentimental value. Besides, it'll only be for a few nights and if you want we can push the beds together." Sam said and kissed her. Jess deepened the kiss only to have Sam draw back quickly as if he had been burned and step out of their embrace. "Look, I'm gonna take a shower. You should change, before dinner. It's not the Ritz but Ellen does have some standards." Sam said and left Jessica standing in his childhood room as he retreated into the shower.

He remembered what these taps were like so he knew how to turn them to get the perfect mixture of hot and cold making the water warm on his skin. He flexed his muscles under the water and thought about how he had flinched away from Jess. It must have been a reaction to the fact that only a few minutes before Sam had been thinking about Dean and their different relationship. Yes, he reassured himself, it must just be because of that.

- X -

I have decided to call these first however-many parts the Innocence Arc. The whole thing is going to be split into phases, this is the phase where Sam is innocent of the knowledge of demons and he is with Jessica. The next arc will begin after Jessica and with just Sam and Dean. Hope you guys approve.

Please leave comments.


	5. Innocence The Sleepless

Supernatural 5/

Supernatural 5/?

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica M, Jo H, Ellen H

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past-future), Dean/John(implied-past)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: angst. allusions to incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing.

AN/ This chapter is a bit messy, I dunno if it works I just really wanted to have a scene between Jo and Sam when she reveals that she knows more than he does about Dean. Plus I'm feeling a bit angry at siblings who abandon their siblings right now.

The Innocence Arc 5/?

Ch5 –

Sam, Dean, and Jess all slept badly. Despite the fact that Sam had pushed the two queens close together they both ended up huddled together on one bed and feeling restless Sam tossed and turned making the bed very uncomfortable. Dean was consumed with worry and pain and something akin to grief. His dad was missing, Sammy had left him and was now here only reluctantly. And then there was the silent debate that had been going through Dean's mind ever since he realised his dad wasn't a drunkard crackpot but hunted Supernatural beings for a living. Should he tell Sammy the truth?

On one side of the debate was the fact that Sam deserved to know. He was Mary's son and John's son too, he had such a low opinion of John and for all the wrong reasons. He deserved to know the truth about Mary's death and he should know about all the dangerous things out there so he can protect himself better. But on the other hand…

Ignorance was bliss. Sometimes Dean even wished that he didn't know, although he loved his life. He loved having this purpose. But still, he wouldn't wish this on anyone else. Especially not Sammy who deserved to stay innocent an have a normal life.

Dinner had been a tense affair. Ellen had cooked, something which didn't happen too often. Dean, Ellen, and Sam had all had a beer with their meal, Jo drinking water and Jess sipping wine pretentiously. Ellen had made small talk with Jo about the day and asked Dean where he had been between his last visit to the Roadhouse and now. Most of the talk however had been about how Sam had changed and what he was doing at school… Dean had shovelled the food down his throat eager to be out of there before he let his temper get the better of him. He had been doing better lately, not getting into so many fights since he realised it was better to keep his cool and fight the Supernatural rather than punch out some guy and attract the authorities. Of course all his good intentions had been likely to fly out of the window with Sam prattling on about how happy he was at Stanford and how he and Jess couldn't decide on a Church wedding or an outdoors ceremony. Thankfully Ash had rescued Dean before the meal had been over and Dean had taken his pie and left to talk hunting patterns and demons. Ellen and Jo had watched him leave with something akin to understand and pity in their eyes. They knew that Sam was everything to him. He just wished Sam knew that.

Sam woke first. He showered and found himself sitting in the Saloon with Jo giving him strange looks from the other side of the bar where she was wiping glasses and cleaning up.

He asked her for a beer even though it was barely seven am and the bar was closed. With raised eye brows Jo handed one to him and sat down opposite him. She stared at him as he swigged down the beverage. "What?" he finally asked.

Jo shifted in her seat. "Why are you so bitter and angry Sam?" she asked abruptly.

Sam barked out a laugh. "Me? What are you talking about, Jo? I'm happy. I have Jess, I have school. I'm gonna be a lawyer one day with two point five kids."

Jo shook her head, her dark eyes so like Ellen's gave him an unfathomably sad look. "Happy people don't drink beer at six-forty in the morning." She pointed out.

Sam paused and gave his drink a long hard look before placing it down and meeting Jo's eyes. "Then tell me Jo, what have I got to be unhappy about?"

"Your dad. I mean look, I get it. I'd be bummed too if my dad spent my childhood floating around the country. I mean my daddy died but at least I have some good memories of him. And now your brother is on the same wave length as him? That's gotta be tough, no one is denying that. But you… you're hiding it. Pretending you have everything you want. But you're forgetting one thing," Jo said.

Sam wasn't hiding anything now, his eyes darkened with angst and his heart aching with the truth of her words. "Oh yes? And what is that?"

"Dean." Jo said simply. "He used to be your whole world. Your best friend, your brother, your father, and your… everything. But now you act like he is nothing to you? But see we down here know you better than that. I just wish you'd stop acting like such an ass and treat Dean better."

Sam snorted, using anger at her accuracy to hide his own pain. "I bet!" He muttered under his breath but loud enough for Jo to hear it, he was begging for a shouting match.

Jo's eyes widened and she took a step back. "What?" She whispered. Sam knew that what she was really saying was 'take it back'.

"You heard me, Jo. Personally I think all you really want is for Dean to realise you're not fourteen anymore and that you aren't his sister. So why exactly are you giving me a little pep talk about being true to my emotions when you aren't?"

"Shut up, Sam. You don't know what you are talking about. I haven't felt that way about Dean in years, not since I realised what I saw that night. And anyway, it's not like he'd let a little thing like blood get in the way of taking what he wants? Or rather it's not like you would." She said and threw down her cloth and stormed off.

Sam sat there in shock, letting all her cryptic remarks sink in, he never realised that Jessica was stood around the corner with a strange smile upon her face having heard everything.


	6. Innocence The End of Innocence

Supernatural 6/

Supernatural 6/?

Characters: Dean W, Sam W, Jessica M, Jo H, Ellen H

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Dean/Sam(past-future), Dean/John(implied-past)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: angst. allusions to incest, violence, child abuse, non-con, dub-con

Summary: AU from the word go – John never raises the boys as hunters instead while he hunts he leaves them with others like Ellen and Bobby. The boys believe their dad is crazy when they find out he believes in demons but Dean is starting to doubt that belief when his dad does missing.

The Innocence Arc 6/6

Ch6 – The End of Innocence

The rest of the day passed slowly, with moments of time just stretching out like they lasted forever and other moments whizzing by as if on fast forward. Dean and Sam spent most of their time apart, Dean kept disappearing with Ash or Ellen or making phone calls, all the time carrying around their father's journal, the one that Sam hadn't gotten a chance to look inside. Sam of course spent most of his time with Jess, distracted and mulling over what Jo had said to him. Eventually Jess got bored of being ignored and emerged from the en suit bathroom with her skin tight negligee – the type she usually reserved for birthdays and exam results celebrations. Sam's heart stopped for a moment and he tried to ignore the way a pressure developed around his heart like he was about to do something he didn't really want to. He kissed her and they fell onto their make shift bed…

It was early when Sam woke up, the sun barely above the horizon. Jess was still wrapped around him like if she let go of him for even a second he'd leave her. Sam found it odd how clingy she'd been since Dean had showed up. At first he had just put it down to her being insecure, after all he knew she was no idiot – her GPA proved that – and therefore she must have realised how much he missed his brother. But she was taking it a bit far, especially since they had arrived at Ellen's. She had never reacted like this before, and at this particular moment Sam wanted nothing more than to get away from her and breathe his own air.

He crept down stairs assuming that at this early hour no one would be awake yet. That was when he heard the sound of quiet warm chatter coming from the bar. Not letting anyone know he was there Sam poked his head in briefly before rearing back and lying flat against the wall, confusion and intrigue warring inside of him. At a table in the locked down bar sat Ellen, Jo, Ash, Bobby Singer, a man who Sam didn't recognise but he was in his late forties with a heavy set build and messy unwashed mousy blond hair, and with then all was Dean, smiling as he held a bottle of beer and told a story that Sam could only just hear.

"- oh god, I gotta tell you I thought for sure I was a gonner!" Dean said dramatically and Sam could just imagine his mouth twitching as he tried to keep a straight face. "But then Greta-" howls of laughter from Jo and Bobby in particular interrupted his story.

"Greta? Seriously?" Ellen asked and Sam could hear amusement in her voice too. Sam didn't see why it was so funny personally when then he hadn't been invited to this little tea party. As far as Sam could tell it was just a bunch of people having trouble sleeping and listening to Dean tell another one of his anecdotes about the girl of the week. Sam had been about to go in when he heard the stranger say;

"Greta the Ghost!" And Sam stopped moving. What on earth were they talking about. His horror grew as he listened to the, they sounded just like his dad had that summer he had gotten drunk and started talking about how he had found Sam's mother on the ceiling the night of the fire and about demons and vampires and Yellow Eyes. It had made him angry at the time, his dad trying to excuse his own reprehensible behaviour like that and bringing their mother into it as well, but now it just scared him shitless that Dean was heading down the same path and their friends were encouraging him.

"Greta the fricking Ghost jumps me and starts screaming. And I'm looking desperately for some salt or something and the next thing I know dad is coming to the rescue but he's laughing his ass off like-"

And then Sam can stand no more and he's running up the stairs, running away from this because he doesn't want to lose Dean but after hearing that how can he stay? Jess is all he has left now, clingy smothering Jess. He runs until he gets to his room and slams the door shut, not even bothering to explain as he gathers their belongings, chucking them in their bags without folding or even looking to see who's is who's although some things are self explanatory.

Jessica is stood in the corner while he does this, she says not a word just keeps looking out the window, staring at something and Sam suddenly remembers that they have a good view of the stranger's car and that was what Jess must be staring at; trying to figure out who's it is.

"Jess. We gotta go. I can't explain it – you'll never believe me because it's really fucked up and crazy but I just gotta get out of here now." Sam said and afterwards remembered to take a breath. Jess didn't even look at him so he went closer and touched her skin; it was on fire like she had a fever or something. "Jess – we gotta leave. Now." Sam said and then something impossible happened – something _crazy_.

"Now?" Jess asked, her voice wasn't quite her own – it was like someone was speaking at the same time as her but he was a split second slower. "When I was just starting to have fun?" Jess said and turned to face Sam. He jumped back in horror and disbelief. Gone where her beautiful blue eyes, instead they glowed yellow. Yellow Eyes.

"Sammy get away from her!" Dean yelled from just outside the room. He had heard the sound of Sam running up the stairs a few minutes ago and panicked, coming after him just in time to witness Jessica's big reveal. He could have kicked himself, of course, how you a demon, especially Yellow Eyes, get so close to them and him not even realise it? Considering they were in a house full of hunters as well! But right then he just had to act quick and get Sam out of there safely. Luckily he always carried salt – except for the time with Greta! – and he drew a line across the threshold. Sam moved quick, running out of the room and towards Dean who dragged him over the salt line. Jess came forward and stopped before she reached the door, smiling in a way that sent shivers down the brothers' spines.

"That's right Sammy, run to your brother like you always do. Daddy doesn't love you enough? That's fine, run to big brother. Bullies beating on you at school because you have no mommy or daddy? Run along to big brother. First girlfriend dumps you? Big brother to the rescue. And then when being a teenager gets to be too much – the pressure of moving from house to house every few months and of always being an outcast, when all those teenage hormones get to be too much for ya… run to big brother…" Sam stared at the thing with Jessica's face and hoped to God that Jess wasn't still in there, hearing this and being unable to do anything about what was happening.

"OK, it's time for you to shut up now." Dean told it and struck a match. The freaksome yellow eyes dashed with impossible speed to look at the match seemingly mesmerized.

"Ah well. It's been nice seeing you both – again." Jess/Yellow Eyes said and then ran out of the room towards the window and with a big crash she threw herself out. In alarm Sam ran to the window and looked down but he could see no sign of a body.

"Don't bother, Sammy. Yellow Eyes is long gone. Fall like that? Not even gonna slow him down." Dean said from the doorway. With sudden violence he kicked the skirting board. "Damn it! Should have seen it. House full of hunters and not one of us guessed!"

"So that was a demon?" Sam said, stunned.

"Yeah. But that wasn't just a demon, that was the Demon, Yellow Eyes himself – killed mom and ruined our lives before you could even talk. Oh God, Sammy. I'm sorry, about Jessica." Dean suddenly realised.

Sam shook his head numbly. "He killed her, didn't he."

"Yeah. I'm so sorry Sammy." Dean said. He wasn't sorry that Jess was dead, he'd never liked her, but he was sorry Sam had lost someone he loved. "The only thing is I can't figure out when he possessed her."

"What?" Sam asked.

"She's possessed. Most demons can't take corporeal form so they possess people. After that they're as good as dead because once a demon that strong is exorcized,if he can be, the host, the person inside the body dies along with the body. Painfully. Unless he chooses to leave her body voluntary. And I'm guessing not."

"It happened at my house." Sam said, his brain starting to work even as the words 'demon' and 'painfully' and 'dead' echoed in his heart making it hurt. "When she went to get dressed… I came to find her to tell her about leaving with you to find dad and she was different. Not noticeably, just small things like how she insisted on coming with me. Jess wouldn't have done that." Sam realised and he felt like a fool. Dean was nodding his head. It made sense, he guessed.

"Why tonight?" Sam said, almost to himself. "Why did it show itself now? I was leaving, getting out of here. It would have been safer away from Hunters, right?" Sam asked Dean

Dean nodded, thinking. He spotted Davison's car outside and realisation dawned. "It thought Dad was here. That truck outside is almost identical to Dad's."

"Dad… oh god! All the time I thought he was… and he was just protecting us?" Sam groaned in realisation. Dean barely spared him a glance, just nodded and contemplated his next move.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Sammy. This is your fight just as much as mine or dad's, she was your mom too. But you don't have to come with me. You need to make a choice now you realise how dangerous it really is out there. And you need to make it now." Dean looked long and hard into his brother's eyes and watched as his resolve hardened.

"I'm coming with you." Sam said.

THE END of THE INNOCENCE ARC.

TBC(?) with THE DAMAGED ARC (working title).

AN/ some of the demon stuff isn't exactly 100 canon but I needed a potentially dead Jess so Sam could grieve and move on. Thanks everybody who has read this and followed the story. Please comment!


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